leaving the house is still something i have a hard time with unless it's inevitable like to work or if someone motivates me to do something. it's 4:04 p.m. and i'm still home, still in pajamas. however, i did make progress today, i went back into the studio and started working in a large (3' x 5' which is large for me) canvas which is kinda becoming something by itself. all i know is that i'm doing it for george, or in response to his death actually. working in such a larger format has made me feel good, it's a more physical act and i think what i need right now.

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i wrote the paragraph above yesterday. i think i spent about 5 hours in the studio and even though there's not a huge tangible evidence of the time spent there, i feel better about the possibility of reconnecting to my work. the canvas i'm working on looks somewhat different to my usual work. i have no idea how it will look in the end or if it will ever be shown. i think of it more as a transition piece. as i worked i listened to the beach boys, four seasons, ventures-that was george's music, i don't know if what i'm trying to do with this work is be closer to him or accept his death or as g said i'm looking for my place in the world he left behind.