tonight g said to me that my previous post was too negative and dark and that i should post something positive today. so here i am, feeling better and stronger. so many things are in my head, many of them related to the noguchi, everything always takes me back to noguchi. today is yet another snowy day (thank you new york for taking my snow prayers so literally) so my third grade class at the museum was canceled. and it bugged me because it's one of my two classes left to teach. we were going to talk about 'exploring the world' and discuss four pieces: the well, sun at noon, open column and leda together with brancusi's heads and then make a sculpture inspired by a place they had traveled to, even if it was not another country but had had an impact on them. i'm crossing my fingers that my group does show up tomorrow, more third graders, also with the theme of exploring the world but with a different focus, i somehow need to relate noguchi to van gogh who they're studying in school. all of this to begin to say how much i will struggle to not have the noguchi in my life anymore; out of all the places in the world it is new york where i have felt more at home than anywhere and it is the noguchi where i have felt a sense of belonging. i feel i'm at home there, i feel the place welcomes me and gives me happiness, isn't that what a home does? i have been working there for five years, spent almost every sunday of those years there (i only missed a few ones due to sickness) so it has become like prayer and the artworks became my family. this sunday is my last public talk there and i have no idea how i will do it. it seemed like this day would never come and here it is. yesterday was my official goodbye with staff and i asked permission to take a rock from the garden with me. i will choose my rock on sunday and use it to begin my new altar (i make little shrine like installations in the spaces i inhabit, not religious ones, more punk than anything else) in my new space in darkest peru. (darkest said with love as a wink to paddington bear)

p.s. also went to MoMA today to say goodbye to warhol and also drooled in this drawing exhibition but the coffeeshop i'm in is closing so i'll write about that tomorrow...

blogging from heights cafe in prospect heights