these are my last days in new york and i'm a wreck. i'm disorganized and in permanent anxiety, in pain and unable to function. a lot of ugly things/encounters with very vile people have happened these days (that i won't share here) that have added to the already stressful act of moving to another country. i'm exhausted, am unable to focus on anything and also have no real living space. add all of this up and you have a very weak and ready to give up person. i knew it would be hard but not this hard. i have stopped eating and have no will to do anything while at the same time, i see my precious time in new york slipping by. what to do? force myself to keep going? give up? just sleep until february 7th? i have not been able to make any art in this state, had planned to document my last 14 days in a beautiful old ledger book my coworkers gave me... but i feel in a permanent haze and out of control. maybe it/ll be better tomorrow.

i think one of the things that has me so down is not being able to take my art supplies, books, artworks with me and having my stuff all over the place at this point. i'm also having to give up works for adoption until i can get enough money to ship everything.it's incredibly hard.

i hope all of this is worth it, i hope this huge leap of faith is not a mistake...